Can you help me?
“How can I help you?” she asked.
“How can you help me? I am not sure; I think that I may be beyond help really. I am not sure. All I really need is for someone to just listen to me when I am in a bad mood or depressed…. mostly when I am stressed and pissed off usually. Is that so hard? Just listen…. I will rant for a while…I may even yell but it won’t be at you…. it is me yelling at the world… the unfair, cold, cruel, unjust world. I need to get it out of me or else I will sit there and internalize it and let it fester…. It will slowly and quietly eat at me, but if I have to I will…I do not want to burden you or anyone with my problems…after all they are my problems not yours…. You just want to help…but then there is my past … my fucked up past…and I live with the scars of all those psychological wars with others and myself… I just want someone different. …Someone that really does listen …does not judge and does not belittle me or my feelings… I know what I may say when I am in a bad mood sounds petty and stupid but at the time to me it is a big deal… a big life halting deal…. After I rant I will realize that it is just something that will pass, or something really stupid…. But for a while it will mean a lot to me…. I will want to fight the world … I will want to change space and time… I will want to be the outlaw that does good by destroying something…. how can you help me… just understand me…. Just try ….I am not hard to read sometimes… I just need to be read and listened to like a book on tape or cd… I want to be loved and understood a little….I am weird and I know it but I do like to be heard sometime…I am a small voice in the universe and most of the time feel smaller still…I am attacked and made to feel inferior… my talents questioned…I just need a little reassurance or challenge to make me see otherwise…make me see what I can do ….. what I have as my odd talent… create a dream or nightmare… make reality end for me… help me make my dreams come true for me and my love… make it all become something beyond belief… help me realize how happy I can be….just love me for who I am….. just little ol’ insignificant, insane, dreaming, me.”
She looked at me for a moment.
I continued, “oh and chili cheese fries and a coke to go.”
“How can you help me? I am not sure; I think that I may be beyond help really. I am not sure. All I really need is for someone to just listen to me when I am in a bad mood or depressed…. mostly when I am stressed and pissed off usually. Is that so hard? Just listen…. I will rant for a while…I may even yell but it won’t be at you…. it is me yelling at the world… the unfair, cold, cruel, unjust world. I need to get it out of me or else I will sit there and internalize it and let it fester…. It will slowly and quietly eat at me, but if I have to I will…I do not want to burden you or anyone with my problems…after all they are my problems not yours…. You just want to help…but then there is my past … my fucked up past…and I live with the scars of all those psychological wars with others and myself… I just want someone different. …Someone that really does listen …does not judge and does not belittle me or my feelings… I know what I may say when I am in a bad mood sounds petty and stupid but at the time to me it is a big deal… a big life halting deal…. After I rant I will realize that it is just something that will pass, or something really stupid…. But for a while it will mean a lot to me…. I will want to fight the world … I will want to change space and time… I will want to be the outlaw that does good by destroying something…. how can you help me… just understand me…. Just try ….I am not hard to read sometimes… I just need to be read and listened to like a book on tape or cd… I want to be loved and understood a little….I am weird and I know it but I do like to be heard sometime…I am a small voice in the universe and most of the time feel smaller still…I am attacked and made to feel inferior… my talents questioned…I just need a little reassurance or challenge to make me see otherwise…make me see what I can do ….. what I have as my odd talent… create a dream or nightmare… make reality end for me… help me make my dreams come true for me and my love… make it all become something beyond belief… help me realize how happy I can be….just love me for who I am….. just little ol’ insignificant, insane, dreaming, me.”
She looked at me for a moment.
I continued, “oh and chili cheese fries and a coke to go.”
posted by Shadow Dancer | 9:39 PM
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